Thursday, 24 May 2007

Shit for brains

We feel sick.

Nirpal has just been on This Week on BBC1. The look in his eye suggested he was weighing up a foursome with Andrew, Michael and Diane.

He didn't even have something stupid to say, just grunts.

We want to feed him to the cows to watch them go mad.

"Oh ya, I told her to stop writing that column..."


Spit spit spit spit spit.

OK. That's it. The Liz & Nirpal moratorium begins here. They only do it for attention and we've given them far too much already. From now on all discussion of Those Who Shall Not Be Named will be restricted to the comments below this thread. But let it all spill out. It's therapeutic.


Anonymous said...

It's surprising quite how badly spoken he is. It's affected, surely, that "like, man, innit,[glo'al stops all over the place]" drawl, with something also rather sissy in it. Like a parody from Goodness Gracious Me.

Billy said...

I think his badly spoken-ness is an affectation.

Spitting Mad said...

whereas his complete twattiness comes absolutely naturally of course...

Anonymous said...

Ohh, I missed this. He's a selfish twat, and she's neurotic. I saw her once in Soho, she has mad starey eyes and looks thin and withered, though if I am reincarnated I want to come back as one of her cats (yes, I read the You column). He looks in need of a wash and a bitchslap, and not necessarily in that order.

emma said...

They are both "ick". She is desperately desperate and almost inspires pity ( I did say "almost") and he -oooh, he's a dirty cold dishcloth - one of those that I debate whether it's worth washing - or wonder whether it's actually "had it" and save myself the bother - throw in the bin - without touching it. What does he think he has in his pants ? Presumably as little as between the ears.... oh - back to the title of blog entry "Shit for brains"

Ian Green said...

From a Bloke,

On women's magazines generally, I have a question. Are they just designed to make women feel inadequate, over weight, badly dressed, ugly, psychologically flawed, repressed, depressed, and distressed?

Professionally, I work with a lot of women's magazines and they leave me completely flumoxed. Indeed, you need to check out some of the requests from Response Source - where IPC and NatMag journos go hunting for stories.

Keep up the good work

Bowleserised said...

Ian, they can't sell things to happy women. And gaining ten pages of adverts makes them more money than 10,000 readers (who take time and effort and money to cultivate and woo).
So yes, they are all about making us happy – what's that -industrial complex thing? One of those.

Bowleserised said...

[gah! second 'happy' should read 'unhappy']

Belle de Jure said...

From a Chick,

They leave me completely flummoxed too. I don't know who the f*** they think they are talking too, but they sure ain't talking to me!

Pardon my erm non-French.

Spitting Mad said...

~~~~ waves for everyone.

Ian, we're not exactly experts, but I think Ms Bowleserised is pretty much on the money.

All that I'd add is that there's a strong element of fantasy and wish fulfilment element. These magazines are enjoyed by women who like fantasising about what they would buy if they had a few grand knocking about in their back pockets to go on a shopping spree.

Of course the chance to have a good bitch, a whine and a gossip is too good to miss.

Minxy said...

I've seen Nipple on his 'documentary' about 'men'. He came across as a right tosser, so no surprise there then.

But to be fair, I've seen her in 'the organic pub'. She doesn't look well, and those £300 face creams aren't working.

lb said...

I'm still not sure Narwhal really exists; he's such a perfect example of what your average Womens Magazine Reader assumes all men are like (or rather what they're told by the advertising industry that all men are like): football-watching, skirt-chasing, insect-brained popinjays.

I'm pleased to hear that LJ's face is disintegrating, anyway.

Jude said...

So is Liz still banned for discussion despite her page in the OWM today about her and her flat chest? My God, did you read it? I am hoping Spittingmadwoman will lift the ban just this once. For I was starting to feel (I know, I can't even believe it myself) a bit sorry for old Jonesey. Because, reading this piece, she is obviously ill. I mean, read this:

"I guess what my distorted, lifelong obsession meant is that I am scared of life, of being normal, of having a relationship and being looked at."

And it's impossible not to feel for her, isn't it? But then I read the next sentence:

"Now that I am on my own again I can go back to not being a woman any more."

AND THE BILE COMES BACK, IT SEETHES, IT RISES, IT BOILS OVER!!! You are not a woman if you are on your own? If you don't have a man? What the FUCK!!! That means all single people, widowers and lesbians aren't women, then, does it? JESUS CHRIST.

Can't wait 'til Wednesday...!

Jo said...

Yes, hurry up and do this month's! I knew when I saw the cover that it would be a particularly appalling issue. Frankly, I'm only skimming the pieces in anticipation of your ripostes.

We took some pics of fat woman, OH MY GOD WE ARE SO TRANSGRESSIVE

Helen said...

Both are utterly absolutely awful. They're in Grazia which I bought because I'd read an issue once and quite liked it. I'm not buying it again.

eleanor said...

I just want to slap and shake them both. And then set fire to the Observer Woman offices, for publishing such dire shite.

Buy Cialis said...

I think that your psot is so cool,I think that Nirpal is so interestimg, thanks for the link,Andrew, Michael and Diane are spectacular people.!!! I feel good!!

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