Sunday, 11 March 2007

So we've never had it so good?

Imagine this.

As a young girl you grow up being told by OWM that you can go to university, leave and get yourself a good career - possibly as a pop star. By your mid-twenties you'll be earning a six figure salary, forging a path in a previously male-dominated world. You'll own your own flat, a Mulberry handbag and a Marc Jacobns frock.

By thirty you'll decide you want six babies but because you can't find the time you'll go down to the IVF clinic and demand a multiple birth.

You'll be visited regularly by the pixies and fairies who will drop little Vuitton banglets into your champagne glass when you're not looking, you'll have an occasional but deeply satisfying sexual liaison with Santa Claus and your lady bits will emit the fragrance of rose petals while film stars throw themselves at your feet.

Earth calling OWM? Earth calling OWM? It's getting chilly down here.

Who are you trying to kid? You phoned up nine of your richest friends and told them it would be an absolute hoot to do a photoshoot with the gorgeous Jamie Hunter and tell all the hilarious gullible plebs that they too can have a life like yours.

"This dreamed-of life reads like the delusions of a mad woman, of course."

Too damned right it does. You are a mad woman. You're several rings outside Saturn. You're a screwed-up, envy-ridden harridan who thinks IVfuckingF is a fashion statement. You shouldn't be let near a small domestic pet, let alone a magazine. Your trust-funded friends are worse.

There are teenagers throwing tomatoes at the windows of our local laundrette that have more of a clue about life than you do.

And quite frankly, they dress better.

7 comments:

Sheonaidh said...

This article made me spit as well. What on earth was it meant to be about. Why can't OW do good journalism like Marie Clare used to until that went down the toilet to? I want my brain back.

sian and crooked rib said...

why can't they do jouranlism that actually means something? it isn't like women don't still ahve issues to combat? why do women need a separate mag anyway? can't we read the actual paper?

Spitting Mad said...

Oh, Sian & Sheonaidh, you don't want to be troubling your pretty little heads with journalism that means something. Sheesh, you'll be wanting the vote next.

AMcB
xx

Ms Robinson said...

I actually think OW is a vehicle for work experience, in particular for the insubstantia, jack of all columns Polly Vernon (now there is a crap writer.) I note in the advance publicity for this coming Sunday that Christa whatever her name is, is on the front telling us why she wants the body she had at 30 while staring at us with her pinched little face.

Ms Robinson said...

I think OW is Polly Vernon's school project. She writes pretty much everything in there, a kind of jack shit of all columns. I see the advance publicity for this weekend's cerebral offering is Christa whatsherface telling us - through her pinched face - why she wants to keep the body she had at 30. Innovative journalism!

Ms Robinson said...

Sorry I got messed up with technology .

Eolande said...

Good for people to know.